Love Letters: (Part four) Waited So Long

“God, I’ve waited so long and have been through so much to get to this point and honestly, this sucks. When is it my turn to be happy?” 

This was my prayer in September, of 2017. I was traveling with a non-profit organization called Silver Ring Thing with 5 other guys and 6 girls. By this time, I had gotten used to the “single life”. I was 25 and doing what I had always wanted to do for a living. My job on tour was to speak to middle and high school students all across the country about Jesus and pursuing the life He designed for them and their relationships. We were seeing students come to know Jesus and even sharpening each other along the way, and my life couldn’t have been better. At least that’s what I portrayed on my social media. 

But before I get into that, I want share a little backstory. 

In 2013, I went through a rough break up with a girl. We were in a pretty serious relationship, and I was saving up to propose to her in a few months time. You see, I thought she was the one for me: she was pretty, loved Jesus, and most of all, somehow found me attractive. We had been dating for almost 2 and a half years. I swore then, that I would make this girl my wife one day. But in 2013 she broke things off out of the blue. So in that moment, I gave up. I gave up on dating, my music, and worst of all, I gave up on God. I told Him I was done with my relationship with Him. I wanted nothing to do with Him. So, I called my friend up and told him I wanted to go to a club to get my mind off all this. 

So, that night he picked me up and we went to a club called TJ’s. We got there early and went straight to the pool table and played a couple games. After that, my friend disappeared for a little while leaving me sitting at a bar table watching people starting to filing in. Before long, the club was packed with about 300+ people dancing and having fun. Yet, there I was, in the midst of so many people, but feeling so alone. Nobody was talking to me, nobody was walking near me, and it felt as if everyone there was doing their best to completely ignore me. 

I grew so tired to sitting by myself I walked over to the side of the dance floor and leaned on a pole, watching everyone dancing and having fun. I had never felt so depressed in my life. Thoughts of what I did to mess things up with her started replaying in my head. Almost in tears, I look up to see this elderly man, (clearly inebriated) staggering his way around the floor almost in a circle formation. He starts walking towards me only to make a quick left to pass right by me just like everyone else. But to my surprise, he stops mid-step about 3 feet from me, turns around and walks back over to me and puts his hand on my arm and says as clear as day: 

“Stop worrying, it’s going to be okay.” 

Then, he turns around and continues on his journey across the club. I was completely mind-blown that this happened. Certainly this man doesn’t know me, let alone what I’ve been through. Nevertheless, I shrug it off and go back to people watching. 

Fifteen or so minutes pass by and I’m in the same spot leaning on the same pole. Then, I happened to see that same elderly man doing the same circle he was doing earlier. This time I’m watching his every step to see where he goes. So he passes me again, stops about 3 feet out, again. Turns to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and says: 

“Stop worrying, it’s going to be okay.” 

He leaves again. This time though, I start freaking out and completely losing it. Then, for some reason, I just felt as if there is something to this. That it’s not just a coincidence. So, for the first time in a few days, I spoke to God and said: 

“If this is you and you’re trying to get my attention. Let it happen again.” 

So, five minutes later. Sure thing, the elderly man makes his way around to me again, stops 3 feet away again, and turns to me and puts his hand behind my neck and says: 

“Stop worrying, it’s going to be okay.” 

I was so shocked that I didn’t even notice the man leave again. I was completely and utterly blown away at God’s faithfulness to me in my unfaithfulness to Him. 

So why is it important that I share that long story with you? 

Well, let’s fast forward to 2017 again. During that time I was constantly going through so much anxiety that stemmed from that relationship still, 4 years after. So much so, that it made me feel like I would never find happiness again and that I was meant to be alone for the rest of my life. But that September in 2017, God reminded me of that time where He met me exactly where I was at and chose to love me through it when nobody else would. 

The story of the elderly man wasn’t just a crazy coincidence. When he touched me on the arm it was as a friend reminding me to trust that things will get better. When he put his hand on my shoulder, it was like God was reminding me that He’s closer than a brother. And finally, when the man put his hand behind my neck, it was as if God was reminding me that He loves me as a Father would and that no matter how far I choose to run from Him, He will be there loving me through it all. 

So fellas, what I hope you take from my story is that you’re never alone. Even when you feel like nobody is there and you are all by yourself. You’re not. God WILL, and I mean HE WILL COME THROUGH! God never promised us an easy care-free life with no suffering, heartbreaks, or problems. But what He did promise is that no matter what we face in life, NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD!

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels 
nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height
nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us
from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And look, I get that as men, we want to put our emotions aside and act like everything is fine ALL THE TIME. But the facts are, we aren’t. At least not always. We struggle with break ups and singleness just as much as women. So find you friends who will be there for you. To strengthen and encourage you. We need community, especially as men. 

Lastly. If you are single and have been for awhile, like me. Don’t spend all your time thinking that every girl that smiles at you could be your wife one day. Yes, don’t fool yourself, we all do it. But when we get caught up in “looking for our rib” so much, that it steals the joy of everyday life and distracts us from the Lord, that’s when it’s time to reevaluate some things. I only say that from experience. Andy Mineo, said something in an interview one time that changed everything for me. He said: 

“DON’T WASTE YOUR SINGLENESS!”

Being single is a beautiful time to be consumed with the things of the Lord and what He has for you specifically. There’s nothing wrong with relationships at all, they were created by God for God. But don’t waste the time that you have by trying find Ms. Right and miss what’s right in front of you. Grow, sharpen, and follow while you wait. God will take care of the rest on His time. 

Fight the good fight brothers! You can do it! I’m right beside you living this thing out too!! 

-Jimmy

https://www.instagram.com/iamfew/

https://open.spotify.com/search/results/iamfew


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