Love letters: (Part three) Dear troubled wife that wants him to change & doesn’t want to change herself.

Our Heavenly Father advises us to build relationships with believers. (2 Corinthians 6:14) But what happens when we find ourselves in marriages with men that are not believers or aren’t as spiritually mature as we hope for them to be.

In my experience, telling my husband what he should believe or challenging my husband on his theology helped zero times to grow his faith or make our marriage more God honoring.

What did encourage my husband to seek a stronger relationship with the Lord and to grow a desire to care for our marriage based on God’s teachings was my example, me walking the walk. No more talking/telling, but loving God by serving Him in gradually bigger and bolder ways. I became more intentional about serving and worshiping God through loving and serving others. I the process must have softened to my husband as well. Quicker to forgive. More patient. Kinder. Joyful!

One day my husband said to me, “I want what you have.” He was seeing that change in me, and he wanted that presence of peacefulness, an overflowing love for others, and a stronger faith too.

I had found purpose in serving the Lord. I had found a deeper joy, truths to cling to, and an endless energy to love others. Others were witnessing the change, fortunately my husband was watching too.

Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. 

1 Peter 3: 1-4 (MSG)

If your marriage that doesn’t fit the ideal for you or the Lord, be encouraged. Follow God’s word. Refer back to His instructions. Start believing those words you read in the bible, live those words out and don’t grow tired of loving well. Be consistently humble, assuming the best, putting others first, be quick to forgive, become slow to anger. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5:) I believe you’ll see change. It may not be on your hurried timeline, but there will be a shift. 

Love God through your husband, especially when it’s most difficult. Be unwavering in your love, finding strength in the Lord. Let my story encourage you. Be reminded of the fruitfulness of God’s plan and His faithful promises for your most important relationship and ministry, your marriage. 



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